Sunday, August 16, 2015

My Story

I LOVE that I started this blog 4 years ago! It lasted a whopping 5 posts. HA! That's okay. It just goes to show you that I have been thinking about food and what I put into my body for a loooooooooooong time.  You can see my post THE BEGINNING  below. But I am even going to give you a more detailed outline of my trip, in hopes that it will enlighten you about my struggle and how I have actually been able to conquer it!

When I got married I weighed 195. Probably seems like a lot to many of you, but I thought it was a good weight. In high school I weighed 175. I was skinny, but always had what I would call a poochy belly. Of course I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have that teeny tiny belly NOW! (We lovingly call it the Jensen Gut in our family) I did not feel overweight or fat when I got married. I wasn't. I wasn't in awesome shape, but I was okay, I worked out kinda. I was active. I didn't think too much about it. 

I got married at 27. After I got married I probably gained about 15 lbs. We moved to a town in Oregon. I had no friends and no job. I felt alone, and was depressed. I fed my depression with food. 
I felt like 15 lbs was pretty harmless. I could still fit into most of my clothes. 

I had my first baby. I gained probably 60 lbs when I had Abby. I was super concerned, as most new moms are about getting that baby weight off. I worked REALLY hard at getting it off. I got "most" of it off. Probably back to about 210. I didn't really consider getting back to 195. I considered 210 to be my "marriage weight". Not sure why I wasn't more motivated to lose the rest. I worked out and exercised. I indulged in what I call 1/2 of a 1/2 batch of cookie dough. Cookie dough is my love language. 

I had another baby. I don't know how much I gained, but it was about the same. I dieted and exercised. I got down to about 225 I would say. That really became my new weight. I never really tried to get past that. That was my new post baby weight. Diet and exercise seemed to do the trick. But for some reason, getting past that 225 number was way too hard and took way too much sacrifice. I think I cut out sugar once. I felt pretty good doing that, I think it was a month long "sugar fast".  It worked fine. I got back to that same weight after my 3rd child. Didn't feel terrible about it. 

The first time I gained weight for a different reason than besides having a baby was when we moved to Arizona. You can read all about that on my other blog. It was a stressful time in my life and my marriage. I emotionally ate. Because it felt good. I was working out occasionally, but it wasn't part of my life or something I loved. I had gained about 10 more lbs. 235. I had my 4th baby, and gained about 60 lbs with all my pregnancies. I liked looking at pregnancy as an excuse to eat what I wanted. I figured I would work it off later. I got back to 235 with my 4th child. It seems like every child I had, I gave myself 10 lbs. to hold on to. 

I stayed at 235 until we moved to California. I started working for our company and had a very very busy and overwhelming schedule when we first got here. I emotionally ate and choose poor choices. Mostly in the form of drive through burgers. I didn't feel terrible about it. For some reason, I totally justified my weight to myself and told myself it was okay. I had a major sugar addiction, and always looked to that next little fix. I don't typically buy junk food. I don't enjoy processed cookies except for maybe an Oreo now and again. I would rather bake and eat my calories that way. 

Did I love the way I looked in pictures? No. Did I want to do anything about it? Not really, I feel into the category of yeah, I need to lose some weight. I will when I have time. When you're tall, extra weight is kinda easy to hide. It shows up in your limbs and face and of course my belly, but it's all kind of spread around. And I know I looked over weight, but it was easy to hide and convince myself it wasn't that bad. Meanwhile, at this point, I am 45 lbs heavier than I was when I got married. 60 lbs heavier that I was in high school. 

I had a 5th CHILD! After that 5th child at the age of 40 my body was SCREAMING for relief. I couldn't walk up the stairs without panting and feeling over exerted. I was about 265 after I had him, and I knew something had to give. I need and finally wanted my body back. I knew how to do it. I had done it before. I set my goal at 40 lbs, because you know, that is my "new weight" that I had given myself. and I didn't figure I would get much past that. I would be "happy" at 225. And I hoped I could get back there again. I put my mind to it and I started working out.

I gave myself many obstacles to working out. I am too tired! I have a baby! He was up at night all night! I have no energy! I don't have time! I went to the Dr. and said, I have no energy, I must have thyroid problems. She did a full blood panel. No thyroid issues to speak of. My knees hurt! I went to the dr and I said, can I get laproscopy so my knees don't hurt so bad? He said the only thing he could do for me was a full knee replacement. at 41 ?!?!?!? No way! I wasn't read to go down that path. After I had exhausted my doctors asking them what was wrong with me, I remember going to Lake Powell with my two sisters who are both very fit, and being envious of their healthy bodies and the things they were doing with their healthy bodies! It was May 2014. And I since I had already been to all the doctors for solutions, I decided the only solution was to get my body moving, and eat less. Just like everyone else. It was just mind over matter. 

I found my work out love language in the form of Body Pump, Spin, and Yoga. I cannot stress enough that finding a work out you LOVE is PIVOTAL! If you don't want to go do your workout, then you never will. You have to love it. I am sure there are other works out I would love. But those are the ones that make me WANT to go to the gym. I counted calories and used my fitness pal. and worked really really hard. I lost 40 lbs, I didn't do any crazy eating/diet plan. no whole 30, no Paleo, no gimmicks. Just calories in and calories out. SURE I tried to eat well, but I had the occasion treat. I will tell you one thing, sugar is probably NEVER going to be completely out of my life. I ate pretty clean, but didn't totally deprive myself. I can't do that. I like food too much. 

Here's the thing. I got to the point where I was pretty proud of my body. NO, REALLY PROUD. I worked really really really hard. I looked okay in my work out clothes, but when I went home and got undressed for the shower, I was disappointed in what I saw. I still saw fat. LOTS of it. It didn't match how I felt on the inside. Don't get me wrong. I am not the type of person who is hoping to jump into a bikini, but I felt so strong and I wanted what I felt on the INSIDE to reflect on the OUTSIDE. 

I wanted to lose more. Why had I always stopped at 225? Why had I always set that as my goal? I was ready, finally to move past it. I wanted  the outside to reflect what I felt on the inside. I kicked a soda habit that I was SURE was part of the problem. Everyone knows how terrible soda is for you. Everyone. I used a product called It Works greens, It was great! It totally helped me kick my soda habit. I used some of their wraps, and they work temporarily. They help keep you motivated to lose more. But its not lasting results. I liked the greens but it didn't help me lose weight, just helped me kick my soda habit.

I had been on a plateau since April. I had a little bender with my birthday month (as everyone should) and gained back a few lbs. I actually got all the way down to 221, but my birthday bender bumped me back up to 228 or so. I could not lose a stinking pound. Not a SINGLE ONE. My body was revolting. I worked out MORE! I worked out LESS! I ate MORE! I ate LESS! I did my macros! I did the 21 day fix! (Lost a few lbs on that but gained them back too) I was completely stuck, and worse, I still had my sugar cravings, low energy dips in the afternoon and from 5-9 every night, I thought about making cookie dough until I either went to bed, or finally made cookie dough. 

I had pretty much determined that this was going to be my "new weight' forever. I had already kind of decided it was so.... and in walked Isagenix

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